Movie Misnomers

As mentioned in the last post, my friend Kevin has started a cartoon which is much like 'Lost Consonants', above (which deletes a consonant from a regular phrase, then illustrates the result). 'Movie Misnomers' puns on film titles to give them a new theme, and I thought we could use this post to help him think up some more, given that so many of us like wordplay (like you, Justin).

Gavin suggested "Anemone Of The State - a small, innocent, many-tentacled sea creature is targeted by the American national security agency."

And I've thought up the following:

"The Codfather" - a Daddy fish tenderly cradles lots of baby fish
"Star Warts" - celebrities showcase their facial disfigurements
"Reservoir Logs" - workers struggle to build a dam before it's too late
"Singin' In The Train" a carriage full of commuters bursts into song
"Full Metal Packet" - the Chippendales decide to wear foil thongs
"The Green Smile" - because some people never go to the dentist

But you can do better than me...

MM Hm?

It seems like everyone's creating a quirky, witty artistic series with the initials "MM" these days. Last week, my best friend Graham posted up the first (objectively hilarious) instalment of a new series called "Modern Misfortune":

... and if that shouldn't be published, nothing should.

Then my rather wry friend Andrew linked to the latest instalment of his regular FT column, which is called "Moment of Madness". (You'll be surprised to find I'm with him on that particular topic.)

Two is a coincidence, but three is just odd, and today my friend Kevin (unaware of both the above) began a funny monthly cartoon called "Movie Misnomers":


Lastly, even I, a hardened letter-M conspiracist, made a joke about the initials "MM" in the first paragraph of last month's Cif piece about mice.

What is going on? Is the letter "M" taking over the world? Have McDonald's globally imprinted it onto the medulla oblongatas of all creatives?

I think we should be told.

The Loveliest Story

Occasionally, very occasionally, you read a news story which makes you feel hopeful for human beings everywhere. This is one of them:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/oct/13/uselection-vote-florida-obama

It's about Jewish grandchildren flying out to visit their Florida grandparents and convince them to vote Obama. I particularly like the last paragraph:

Within a day of their grandson's arrival, the Fursts had declared for Obama and had begun proselytising with the zeal of the newly converted. Kenny Furst has been posting Obama flyers at the bagel shop where he still works, and his wife is holding discussion groups with other Jewish women from the retirement home.

"I'm so proud of my grandparents, that they were open-minded enough to listen," said Bender.

"I've got a couple of years to go, so this vote isn't for me," said his grandfather. "All I'm interested in now is that my grandchildren should be safe. This one is for them."

It makes me wish my Nan were Jewish and living in Florida, just so I could convert her.

Winner Takes It All

I once saw a man wearing a t-shirt with a picture of several sperm on it, saying something like, "We beat the odds out of two million sperm. We're all winners."

And that, I think, is very true. Imagine (please don't throw up your dinner): if your sperm hadn't been the fastest, or your parents hadn't had sex at that particular moment, or had done it in a different position, or had used contraception, or had been thinking about something they found less or more sexy, or your mother had been lying a different way afterwards, you might not exist right now. And the same goes for your grandparents, and their parents, and their parents, and their parents...

It's not a savoury thought (or a sweet one), but you and I really are the product of ideal circumstances merging to bring us into existence. So however much we might feel like losers sometimes, just remember: we won.

Baby Love

Election time in the US always throws up some rather outré political websites, but rarely any so funny as Yes We Can (Hold Babies), the "international source for pictures of Obama holding babies".


Now, I'm not certain you're allowed to do this to your child's head, no matter how ardently you support B.O., but maybe you are in the States?


Also, if babies aren't your thing, why not buy a picture of Obama holding a dog?


(I know: there are many, many reasons. There's really no need to list them.)

Oh My Goth I Can't Believe It

You don't see that many brown goths. For a brown person to be a goth, we have to "white up", and that takes effort - the kind of effort better expended on making "80085" with calculators or memorising all the words to The Shamen's Ebeneezer Goode.

But when I was young, I wanted to be a goth. I wanted to look scary and aloof and cool. I didn't, in other words, want to look like this:



No. That was not my aim. I knew what my aim was, and ten years later I achieved it. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is me as a goth:



Sisters, have mercy.